When you look at the first couple,what are your first thoughts? And be honest(ladies).
I'm willing to bet,most would see the sister as dating the white guy because she
(a)couldn't find a good black man or(b)she decided to date a white man because he will treat her better.
Now look at the second couple. What are your initial thoughts?
I'm willing to bet most of you are thinking the brother is dating ol girl because
(a)he couldn't handle a strong black woman or (b) the white woman will put up with more "mess" than a sister will.
Am I right? C'mon y'all tell the truth,you know that's what you're thinking!!!!!
Regardless if I'm right or wrong,regardless if it's true or not.I think I speak for most brothas when I say,we REALLY don't care if a black woman is dating a white guy.If that's what she wants to do,then more power to her.And I haven't met one black woman yet, to have a problem with another sister dating a white guy. Matter of fact,many of you probably would say....."good for HER"!!!!!
OOOOOH but I'm POSITIVE many of you have a problem with the brotha dating a white woman. I don't get that,seriously I don't.Why do so many black women lose it when they see a brotha dating a white woman?
YEAH, RIGHT.......y'all DO lose it when you see a brotha dating a white woman!!!!
Ummm,you guys can stop giving me the evil eye through the computer!!!
*yes,I feel the heat* lol
But I mean REAL TALK!!
I hear so many women complain about brothers dating white women...SO WHAT!!!!!If he wasn't YOUR man and she didn't "steal" him from YOU. What's the big freakin deal?!
Oh and if he has money,you guys REALLY become unhinged. Honestly,it all sounds pretty petty to me. Seriously, help me out. Why is it an insult(as I've heard some women say)if he chooses to date someone of another race?
And before I get showered with hate mail from the ladies,let me send out this Public Service Announcement to some of the men.
Fellas,if you're going to date a white woman. How about making sure she hits the gym every now and then. I swear,some of you seem like you grab the first one that comes along.It almost appear you're dating her just to say to say you're dating a white woman. SURELY,you can do better than that. I mean,if that's your thang......that's your thang but C'MON MAN!!!
Mod, you will get hate mail for this one. I couldn't care less if a brother dates a white woman. But if men are honest, they usually blame sisters for them going there. Why can't you just see a woman and like her? I always hear "you black women have too many issues that's why I date white women" WHAT THE HELL EVER!! And speaking from personal experience, my ex married a white girl and because I know him, I know why. But this same ex says it disrepectful for a black woman to date white men!!! WTF???!!!
ReplyDeleteYou know what Mod, I guess this needs to be said. I have learned a lot about interracial dating because of my own son. When he had his first interracial relationship, I had a serious issue. However, I had to realize that the issue wasn't his choice; my issue was "what makes her better than me?" Our world has taught us, that we (black women) are not good enough. Yet, we have to constantly affirm ourselves with mantras, such as "Black is beautiful" and the "Blacker the berry the sweeter the juice". We have been conditioned and taught that beauty is anything other than a black woman. This is a cultural conditioning that is hundreds of years old. I heard on the radio this morning that Gabrielle Union, in all of her beauty, still shudders at the sight of a light skinned or white woman walking into a room because she doesn't think she is beautiful enough. Let's be real. Its not about black men and the money. Not for any black woman of substance. If that were the case, a great deal of us would have a hell of better choice than the one we have. It is about fighting for our integrity, our cultural respect, our defined beauty. And when our own men don't have the courage to say that they don't want us because of this "cultural conditioning", it is offensive. It's not about the "money" for black women and it is not about the "attitude" for black men. If a man allows a woman's attitude to change his desire, then blame THAT WOMAN, not her race. Dating a crazy woman has nothing to do with her race. The last time I checked, "Crazy" came in all colors. Furthermore, if your only excuse is the "attitude" of the black woman; then you should look at your own attitude. If you think negatively, you will attract negative things. We have reasons to have attitudes, but not excuses for hatred. Along with being raped, disrespected and beaten over hundreds of years, we have have a long history of pain to deal with. It's no excuse, just a reason. These reasons will take us several lifetimes to heal from. Hell, it took us several lifetimes to get here. We need to change our attitudes about our own existence in order to accept interracial dating. Stop calling us mean, prideful, and telling us that we don't know how to treat our men. That's a lie and it takes two to give mutual respect. Stop blaming black women for your right to choose white women, or any other woman for that respect. If you happen upon a beautiful woman who happens to be white, then I can accept that. It's not just our attitudes that are an issue, black men obviously have issues that they need to resolve if they chose to date outside of their race. I support anyone who wants to date anyone for love. But, riddle me this.....why do black men REALLY chose white woman? Why state, "If you date a white woman, make sure she goes to the gym"? Something to ponder. It sounds to me that it is certainly about having a prize and not a heart. "Brotha's" need to check themselves and stop checking us. Your excuses are lame.
ReplyDeleteI want everyone to start looking simply for love. It's that simple. I don't care if she is a fat, white woman or a cross-eyed Asian. That's no one's business. What matters is that you love her. Now, I know that I am a rare find, but, I had to wise up and I thank my son for this. He has been taught that there is beauty in everyone and doesn't date because the 'black girl' is crazy. He sees deeper than that. We can all learn from a child.
@"HURRICANE KAMYELLE"
ReplyDeleteI feel you and thanks for chiming in. I understand and actually agree with some of your points. There are "some" brothas who have the thought process you just mentioned. Personally, I think it's a lame thought process but that's just me. We can debate all day the issues we as black men have with black women and vice versa.I DO believe some black men date white women because what you just addressed appears to go double for black men. It seems as if we always have to PROVE we're a good man instead of letting our actions show it. It's almost as if "SOME" of you are WAITING on something bad to happen.Black women are notorious for saying they can't find a good black man(see my blog "Why Black Women Can't Find A Good Black Man"). Sorry, but I have too many female friends and I've seen it too many times and I KNOW some black women overreact when it comes to a brotha dating a white woman.
Again the point I'm trying to make with this blog is,if we don't know each other and you see me walking down the street with a white woman. How is my relationship with her disrepsectful to you? I understand the history and the current value placed on having lighter skin. But if we don't know each other and I'm not related to or dating you,why the concern?
As for my comment about those women going to the gym. I thought that needed to be said because it DOES appear some men will grab the first one that comes along. So it gives the appearance that he is dating her only because she's white.
And for the record, NOOOO I'm not dating a white woman,not that I wouldn't,I'm just saying.
The text messages I've received since this post have been hilarious!!!!
Well, for me, I dated a white guy. We were friends and he decided to ask me out. (I'm still waiting for a black guy to do so.) We had a great time together but we he was moving to Florida at the time and that's he only reason we stopped dating. We kept in contact for a while but such as life, we moved on. I don't have a problem with black men dating white women but as Essence asked this month in the new issue, if Kim K. were black and made a sex tape, would she have ended up with a black millionaire? Don't know. But by stating that, I think for some black women, I think they feel black men treat the white women differently. For example, once while in Ann Taylor, a friend of mine pointed out how the black guy was there going back and forth to the dressing room to his white friend and how she didn't think he would do that for a black girl. All I kept thinking is...there's actually a brother in Ann Taylor! So is it a "rubbing it in your face" mentality that bothers black women? Would I prefer to see Tiger with Serena or Venus like Oprah so wanted - yes. I thought that would have been a great pairing. Young black love. Awww...Okay, I'm back. Also, granted the history of interracial dating also plays a part in how some view it as well. When you think about John Mayer's recent interview, one may wonder well who else thinks like this? I actually liked him when he performed Human Nature at Michael Jackson's funeral. Now, wellll....hmm..kinda taken aback. Might re -think this interracial thing. But, I know, that's only an isolated incident. In this area, young people (mainly blackguy/whitegirl)
ReplyDeletedate but I tell you neither one have a problem using the "N" word to each other. Now, that's when I start thinking, "What the heck?" How does that play a part in the relationship? I know with me, hearing about the confederate flag, Bush in office,etc.some things can be a bit uncomfortable and unnerving. But at any rate, I think love is supposed to be color blind. As for me, I'm still holding out for Idris Elba/Shemar Moore - whoever discovers me first but whoever God has for you, I guess he has for you.
What do you consider a good black man, or a good black woman for that matter? Maybe both sexes are so busy looking at the trees that they can't see the forest. I will say this about Black women; They can't find a good black man for the same reasons that black men can't find a good black woman. The problem is not on the outside, it is within them. How many times do you have to meet a sorry man or a pathetic woman to realize the problem is you and your choices? Why do you keep attracting dead beats? You know the saying....."Birds of a feather flock together". They find this garbage and then complain! Believe me, "Race" is only an excuse for individual inadequecies.
ReplyDeleteYou see, no one can look for someone to "complete" them. You should come to a relationship with "tools", not "baggage". The tools we should keep in our "mental tool belt" should be self-love, self-worth, self-respect(Not attitude), perspective, wisdom, common sense, and spirituality. Neither sex can find a mate because they haven't figured out who the hell THEY are. Furthermore, if a person overreacts because they see the opposite sex with another race, then they have some serious demons to deal with.
About the "gym" subject, it can be said that he 'is' or 'is not' dating her because she is white. My husband says the same thing when he sees a brother with an "out of shape" white woman. Yet, what if the woman was black and out of shape? We need to be asking the question, "WHY IS HE WITH A WOMAN OF ANY COLOR THAT WILL NOT TAKE CARE OF HERSELF". Don't get me wrong, Mod. I understand your point. There are always more viewpoints than one. I enjoy your blog and the challenge you present to us in the form of thought-provoking dialogue. As a darker-skinned woman, I have always had my own demons to deal with. I have always been told, "you're cute to be so dark", or my favorite......"she has a nice body, but she is too dark". I have been criticized by black men, black boys, mean-old black woman (who just couldn't stand me because I was not light enough.) and mean kids who weren't aware of tongue as a weapon. And, black men have the audacity to ask a woman like me, "What's your problem with me dating white women?" Do you have any doubt now? Thank God I don't think that way anymore. Yet, it took a lot of praying, self-awareness, and mistakes to get here. I pray for the woman who hasn't arrived. Again, I thank my son for giving me my doctorate in the lessons of interracial love and its impact on me.......which is none. Mod, this is a very good topic. I love it.
@ZODIAC......There are plenty of brothers that go back and forth to the dressing room with their woman. There are plenty who painfully sit as their wife try on shoe after shoe after shoe after shoe after.......well you get my drift.
ReplyDeleteAs for Kim K being black,making a sex tape and becoming a millionaire. Has anyone ever heard of Karrine "Superhead" Steffins? I rest my case. Besides,Kim K already was loaded with money. Her father was the very wealthy attorney Robert Kardashian,who reportly left her and her sisters a couple of million apiece. You may remember him. He helped OJ get away with almost chopping 2 people's head off(YES,I believe he was guilty).
@Kamyelle(my bad)HURRICANE KAMYELLE(lol)
ReplyDeleteOn behalf of all immature, shallow men everywhere,I apologize for the ridicule you went through for being a dark skinned woman. I was once part of that backwards way of thinking. It's embedded in us that the lighter skinned woman was prettier. I fell into that same mentality for a long time. I DID like lighter skinned women but honestly,it was more to fit my image I had as being the Nupe of all Nupes on the yard....lthough there were some dark skinned women who I was attracted to. EVERYBODY just assumed if I was dating someone, she would be,light skinned, petitie frame(well kinda thick)lol,long hair.....etc etc and they were right. But the older I got the more I started to realized what I was missing out on. Anyway,that's a totally different blog.(hmmm,may do that next week,thanks Kamyelle).
To sum this up in a nutshell. Until WE are comfortable with OURSELVES, we won't be comfortable with anyone else,REGARDLESS of what color they are. If we can get to THAT point,it won't matter what others think.
Glad you like the blog and thanks for contributing to it's growth. Stay tuned,this isn't even the beginning of what I'm about to do.
Where? Who? What store? I need to shop there! I've yet to see it that and I shop anywhere from Copley Square to the Summit to the Houston Galleria to the Magnificent Mile. I stay in the dressing room and I've yet to see brothers going back and forth like the brother in Ann Taylor.Very few are in the shoe department - beleive me, I stay in the department as well. As for the K Steffins, what millionaire brother is claiming/flauting her.(Millionaire!) A lot those men tried to deny they had anything to do with her. I didn't say KimK became a millionaire - I was already familiar with her dad (who was too shocked OJ got off -roll tape!). I watched the trial closely so I knew of him. I stated would she be with a man like Reggie Bush had she been black. If that's the case, then shouldn't I see K. Steffins with her own show, Fox sports showing her everytime her millionaire man scores a td?
ReplyDeleteAs a black woman who's been in a serious relationship with a white man for eight years, I could care less if a black man dates a white woman. "More power to him," I say. It's none of my business whether or not a black man decides to date a white woman.
ReplyDeleteI get so amused when I see black men and women hating on each other for "dating out." Their dating preferences do NOT impact your life in no way, shape or form.